Семьи это сложные системы, и им приходится иметь дело со многими различными прогрессиями одновременно. То есть существуют биологические, психологические, социальные и культурные изменения

Affectional bonds and subjective states of a strong emotion tend to go together. Thus many of the most intensive of all emotions arise during the formation, the maintenance, the disruption and renewal of affectional bonds which for that reason are sometimes called emotional bonds. Аффективные связи и субъективные состояния сильной эмоции, как правило, идут рука об руку. Таким образом, многие из наиболее интенсивных эмоций возникают во время формирования, поддержания, разрушения и возобновления аффективных связей, которые по этой причине иногда называют эмоциональными связями. In terms of subjective experience the formation of a bond is described as falling in love, maintaining a bond as loving someone, and losing a partner as grieving over someone. Similarly the threat of a loss arouses anxiety and actual loss causes sorrow, while both situations are likely to arouse anger. Finally the unchallenged maintenance of a bond is experienced as a source of security and a renewal of a bond as a source of joy. С точки зрения субъективного опыта формирование связи описывается как влюбленность, поддержание связи как любовь к кому-то и потеря партнера как скорбь по кому-то. Точно так же угроза потери вызывает тревогу, а фактическая потеря вызывает печаль, в то время как обе ситуации, скорее всего, вызовут гнев. Наконец, неоспоримое поддержание связи воспринимается как источник безопасности, а возобновление связи - как источник радости.

Stage one: marriage. Many couples believe when they marry that it is just the two individuals who are joining together. Both spouses, however, have grown up in families that become interconnected through the marriage. Both mates, although hopefully differentiated from their «family ego mass» in an emotional, financial, and functional way, carry their whole family into the relationship. Marriage is a two-generational relationship.

Первый этап: брак. Многие пары верят, когда вступают в брак, что только два человека соединяются вместе. Однако оба супруга выросли в семьях, которые становятся взаимосвязанными благодаря браку. Оба супруга, хотя, как мы надеемся, отличаются от своей «массы семейного эго» эмоциональным, финансовым и функциональным образом, вовлекают в отношения всю свою семью. Брак - это отношения между двумя поколениями.

The new pair must establish themselves as an identifiable unit. This requires a negotiation of many issues, which previously were defined on an individual level. These issues include such routine matters as eating and sleeping patterns, sexual contact, and use of space and time. The couple must decide about which traditions and rules to retain from each family and which ones they will develop for themselves. A renegotiation of relationships with the family of origin has to take place in order to accomodate to the new spouse. Some couples deal with their parents by cutting off the relationship in a bid for independence. The other common pattern involves a balance between some contact and some distance, and some closeness and some tension.

For many couples, especially wives, happiness is highest at the beginning of the family life cycle. An adaptive attachment for a couple in Stage 1 is the development of close emotional ties between the spouses. They do not have to break ties with their families of origin but rather maintain and adjust them. A maladaptive attachment can occur when a couple does not align themselves together. The wife is more heavily bonded to her family of origin than she is to her husband. The husband is more tied to outside interests (e.g. work, friends) than his wife.

Stage two: families with infants. This stage begins with the birth of the first child and continues until that child is approximately three. For some couples, the birth of the first child is a crisis and a critical family adjustment period.

The environment into which children are born can be one in which there is no space for them, there is space for them, or there is a vacuum they are brought in to fill. Both mothers and fathers are becoming increasingly aware of the need for emotional integration of the infant into the family.

The couple must design and develop the new role of father and mother. The parental role is in addition to the marital role: it does not replace it. The couple must continue to meet each other's personal adult needs as well as meet their parental responsibilities. Sexual disinterest and the husband's feelings of being «left out» are common during this period. If the baby has a defect, there will be more stress on the couple as they adjust their expectations and deal with their emotional reactions.

An adaptive attachment for a family in Stage 2 is the continued development of close marital ties and the beginning of close parent-child bonds.